A Day in the Life At Elsa Supremacy

Hello, darling serfs! It's been a while since I last posted, 42 days, in fact - so long that Maggie had time to be twelve years old instead of eleven; that Lady had time to weigh thirty pounds instead of twenty; that Jester Jansley had time to be in one relationship instead of zero like me. In the words of Jester Jansley herself, my hiatus from posting means that I “just don't care about" you peasants. Which is true, but that's not the point here.

Anyway, now that I AM posting, I figured I could tell you about a day in the life here at Elsa Supremacy, because you're all dying to know, right? (Pun intended. You're not ACTUALLY dying. Lilly Kate hasn't lobotomized you YET.)

Here at Elsa Supremacy you peasants wake up super early and begin your 3 a.m. Backpack Factory shift. Since I don't have any morning classes most days, I sleep in luxuriously as late as I want, making sure my armed guards keep the groans and screams of the peasants to a minimum until I awake.

Everyone's day starts off with a hearty breakfast. For me, that's sausage, bacon, hashbrowns, pancakes, waffles, muffins, fresh fruit, biscuits and gravy, and maybe some fancy scones or something - but NO eggs because I HATE eggs. For you, that's stewed lentils and Brussels sprouts and maybe some lukewarm water if I don't feel like dehydrating you that day.

After breakfast I lounge around while you guys make backpacks, farm, jest, lobotomize, uke, or say heretical things, depending on who you are. During my lounging time, I engage in hobbies such as crocheting (shrouds), photography, board games, and scheming about who I will prey on next.

Would you look at the time, it's noon! My how time flies when you're having fun or grueling on the land, depending on who you are. For lunch I have something just as tasty as what I had for breakfast. You enjoy more stewed lentils and Brussels sprouts.

The afternoon is my favorite part of the day. After going to my architecture 101 class, I dismiss the Backpack Factory for the day and everyone meets up at the public square for ✨lobotomy time✨! I just know everyone loves this part of the day as much as I do (not counting the people who are getting lobotomized).

While Lilly Kate sets up her Lobotomy Booth, Seth plays some Rick Astley songs on his ukulele to set the mood. Singing along is not allowed, because singing tends to make people happy, and we can't have happiness and so forth around here. While he does that, Jester Jansley jests. Specifically, she dances around telling jokes such as “Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the land of Elsa Supremacy and leave the evil capitalist world behind!" The jokes are absolutely hilarious, but peasants don't laugh because they know better. Tara meanders through the crowd, trying to sell some of her specialty Elsa Supremacy bracelets. No one ever buys them because I control the money supply and the peasants are broke, but that doesn't stop Tara from trying. Farmer Fabby stands in the corner mourning the time spent away from her farm. Julia Ann, the local heretic, stands around muttering heretical things like “I think it's wrong to lobotomize people you don't like" and “What if we tried kindness?" I ignore her, of course.

Once everything is ready, Lilly Kate stands on her platform, waves a crochet hook, and screams “LOBOTOMY TIME!" At this all the peasants start screaming (in joy), trying to run for the exits (in joy, and when all else fails, playing dead (in joy). I reign them back in, then call out the names of the day's victims. Most of them are people who committed some crime (stealing backpacks, disagreeing with me, saying a bad word like “happy," etc.), but I like to throw in a few surprises every day. It keeps everyone on their toes for sure.

I won't go into detail about the actual lobotomies, but overall this is definitely a good time had by all, especially me and probably Lilly Kate as well. Once I decide we've had enough lobotomies for the day, everyone goes back to work. I go to my studio class and do some architectury things. Lilly Kate polishes her crochet hooks. Seth tunes his ukulele. Tara makes some more bracelets. Julia Ann absorbs heretical media. Jester Jansley thinks up some new jokes. Farmer Fabby farms. And of course, all the peasants continue their work at their assigned slaving location.

It's been a great day, but it's time for me to take a break to eat dinner. A feast is prepared for me using the finest of Farmer Fabby's crops, and I enjoy it immensely. It's a dessert night and the chefs made the good brownies, so I have one of those too. The peasants get some stewed lentils and Brussels sprouts, then go back to work. I curl up under a blanket on my cozy bed and do something fun, maybe listening to music, watching Parks and Recreation, crocheting, or something like that. The peasants finally get off work, and it's time for bed! Sleep tight, don't let the capitalists bite!

I hope this post was educational for any peasants wondering what our day-to-day life is like around here. At this point I need to wrap up my real-life sitting-on-my-cozy-bed-doing-something-fun-before-I-hit-the-sack session and actually go to bed. So until next time, o plebes!