April CROOLS Day

Remember... April Fools is for fools, but April CROOLS is for communists!

Hello, loyal followers! I hope you are having a lovely April 1!

First off, I have included a Google Forms link for my dear comrades to fill out: https://forms.gle/2LjSW2w9u7ekuean7

I am planning to add a new page to the Elsa Supremacy website, a “what people are saying" type of deal, similar to what you would find on the back of a book or DVD. Your responses on this quiz might go on the new website page.

Anyway, as you might be aware, today is April Fools' Day. Well, as I have recently started doing for other holidays, I'd like to propose an amp-up for April 1. So here it is: April CROOLS Day! That right there is what we call an acronym, and it stands for:

Communism

Really

Only

Offers

Lots of

Sadness

On April CROOLS Day, we celebrate how Elsa Supremacy brings you that wonderful gift: sadness. As I always say, happiness is for bozos, and joy is for fools! That's why, on April 1, instead of playing happy little pranks on each other (like April fool-ers like to do), we should spread sadness by playing mean pranks on each other! A lot of people like to play pranks that have a happy ending, but that is NOT allowed. Sad endings only - this is April CROOOLS Day, after all.

The April CROOLS Day lore actually dates way back to first grade. On this fated day eleven long years ago, my teacher, Mrs. Lay, played the age-old April Fools prank: she told us she had made us some brownies! I and my little first-grade classmates were so excited, and our joy only increased as she donned oven mitts, brought forth a baking pan from another room, made her way through the crowd of youngsters - “Careful, don't touch it! It's hot!" - and revealed the contents of the pan to us.

That moment was when my little six-year-old heart received its first taste of April CROOLS. For the pan was not filled with brownies, as I had come to believe. In fact, spread out neatly across it, were brown E's, made of construction paper.

Disappointed doesn't describe how I felt that the moment. I felt lied to. Crushed. Broken. Devastated. How could I ever recover?

Despite the fact that Mrs. Lay quickly offered us some cheap store-bought Cosmic Brownies as reparation, nothing was the same again. For one, Cosmic Brownies are nowhere near as good as real homemade ones, even to a first grader. But more importantly, I learned what it's like to be the victim of an April Fools prank that doesn't have a happy result. It's true that I had a tad bit of appreciation for those Cosmic Brownies, but I just kept thinking that real brownies would have been so much better! So on that day, Mrs. Lay showed me the true spirit of April CROOLS (even though she did botch it slightly by trying to make us feel happy with Cosmic Brownies). Her little prank brought me that same sadness that April CROOLS stands for.

Here are some ideas for how YOU could celebrate April CROOLS like a good communist:

• See if you can go the whole day without smiling.

• Count how many tears you shed today. The highest score wins! (Tears of happiness or laughter do NOT count! Shame on you for being happy enough to cry!)

• Try to make other people cry.

• If you catch yourself thinking a happy thought, force it out of your brain by remembering sad things, like how you live in a capitalist country, that you don't get to work all day at the Backpack Factory, and that you don't get to be ruled by Elsa because she hasn't seized power yet.

• Play a prank on someone. Make sure it's a mean one (like, “Oops, I slashed your tires! Hahaha, April CROOLS!"). But don't apologize or pay for damages.

• Burn your favorite item, the one that brings you the most happiness (books, stuffed animals, the possibilities are endless).

• If you catch someone else saying something happy, smack them.

• If you catch someone else smiling, steal their teeth.

• If you catch someone else who just looks like they're thinking happy thoughts, give them a lobotomy.

Now, here is the ultimate way to celebrate April CROOLS: Find the “Stay Connected" bar on the homepage of the website and sign up one friend and one enemy for Elsa Supremacy updates! Just put their email into the little box and they'll be none the wiser until they get their first email. The ultimate prank! Victory will be ours!

(Yes, it is true that in suggesting this prank I may have ulterior motives (fame, glory, worldwide domination...) but you should do it nonetheless! After all, why do you exist but to serve me?)

Adieu, my fellow communists! I hope you enjoy the rest of your April CROOLS Day!