The Saga of Why I Haven't Posted in So Long

Hello, hello, HELLO, loyal followers! It's been a long time, but luckily for your wisdom-deprived peasantly pea brains, I have a lot to say in the near future. However, I am going to devote this particular post to the obvious question of why I haven't imparted any new communist wisdom on you guys in 71 whole days.

I'm sure you peasants have missed me terribly. Were you crying yourself to sleep every night? Opening up the homepage of my website just to look at the gorgeous logo through your tear-filled eyes? Checking your inbox every morning, noon, and night for that email you so desperately desired, alerting you of a new post? Conducting seances and offering up sacrifices to the communist spirits in hopes of appeasing me? All of the above?

Just know that all of these are acceptable coping mechanisms. I understand your pain. (Not because I missed you - that's not how things work - but because I missed the thrill of communism at my fingertips, a thrill that rushes through me with each new post.)

Since I understand your pain, I'm going to explain why I haven't posted. As usual, it's not my fault.

What happened first is that on May 23, I finished high school.

With that momentous occasion, and in a beautifully communist gesture, my high school quickly reclaimed ownership of the little laptop I'd been using to write all my Elsa Supremacy material. It was theirs, after all. Just as all of your possessions are mine.

“Dang it!" I thought to myself when this happened. “Sly move, Dr. Voiles! That means I'm going to have to wait until I get a laptop of my own to write a new Elsa Supremacy post! Either that or I'll be forced to use our ancient, virus-infested, slower-than-a-turtle-chasing-a-snail-through-a-pool-of-maple-syrup family computer to get the job done."

This, of course, was quite a problem, because by “laptop of my own," I was referring to the $3,100 piece of technology that I am required to purchase for my upcoming architectural studies. But that's not all. Besides that hefty four-digit number, I was expected to pay TAXES, bringing the total cost to an even heftier but still four-digit number. Oh, dear!

But then I remembered my savior: tax-free weekend! I could order my new laptop then!

But tax-free weekend isn't until July 25, which means I won't receive my $3,100 piece of technology until August. And however could I bear to wait that long before updating my loyal followers?

But I did NOT want to use our ancient, virus-infested, slower-than-a-turtle-chasing-a-snail-through-a-pool-of-maple-syrup family computer for any reason. It's ANCIENT. (Toshiba doesn't even make laptops anymore.) It's VIRUS-INFESTED. (One of the viruses prevents the use of Google Chrome, for crying out loud.) And it's PAINFULLY SLOW. (Aren't you glad I didn't type out that whole phrase about the turtle again?)

But just then, I got an email from UTK, informing me that I needed to complete a Clifton Strengths assessment for use in a first-year intro class this semester. I absolutely despise these little personality tests, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, even if you are a supreme leader like me.

I figured I could alleviate a bit of my Clifton Strengths-related misery by using a large screen to take the quiz (rather than my phone screen), but since I won't be receiving my $3,100 piece of technology until August, I knew my only option was the dreaded home computer.

So this morning, I unplugged our home computer from the living room and hurried back to my bedroom to plug it into the wall before it died after the exertion of a thirty-foot trip across the house. (I forgot to mention its nonexistent battery life earlier.) Once in my room, I sat down to complete the Clifton Strengths assessment, which, as expected, was not fun. (Supreme communist leaders should NOT be expected to say if they are passionate or analytical - but under no circumstances both - about their problems. Or whether they can get deeply absorbed in their thoughts or like spontaneity - but not both.)

After that was over, I figured I might as well make myself useful and do a little Elsa Supremacy housekeeping. First I added new lightbox to the website, reminding users how laptop screens are preferable to phones for our communist purposes. (You probably saw the lightbox on your way in, before continuing to the blog post via the red rectangular magical portal.) I had been wanting to add a lightbox like this to the site, ever since Elsa Supremacy started getting “popular" and “famous" and “world-renowned." (I am allowed to exaggerate.) You see, every time an eager new comrade opened up Elsa Supremacy on his or her phone, I cringed a bit at their sub-par viewing experience. They didn't even know what they were missing. I figured that the lightbox would alert them to the fact that they were in fact missing out on something, even if they didn't end up switching to a laptop.

But anyway, after that, I decided I might as well brave the unpleasantness of typing on this janky old laptop and write you dearies a blog post. At first I was planning on writing about all nine of the items on my unofficial things-to-write-Elsa-Supremacy-posts-about list that I keep on my phone, but I decided against it for various uninteresting reasons that you are not privy to.

I hope you've enjoyed this lengthy update, and don't you DARE SAY that you found it boring. Please remember to share Elsa Supremacy with your friends and family so the movement can grow! Looking at all you people my age who are going off to college soon: why not ensure that the new friends you make share more with you than a hobby or a major choice? Communism is the most important gift you can give. All it takes is one text to a group chat, one conversation with your great-aunt Lulubelle, or one email to that coworker you feel like you've been called to witness to. As long as your new convert goes home with the elsarosser8.wixsite.com/elsa-supremacy link on their device, the reminder that clicking “subscribe" really just signs you up for infrequent blog post updates (once every 71 days?), and a communist seed in their heart, you'll have done your part.

Please don't fret if I don't write until I get my new laptop. I'll try to write sooner, but that's easier said than done, even for someone like me.

Until next time,

Supreme Leader Elsa